Today I am having a “Bad Mom Day” in every sense of the word. The Munchkin has been at his annoying and irritating best. I mean I am secretly awed by his sheer capacity to annoy me so much.
Since yesterday morning he has been whining about everything. Let me tell you something, I HATE whiners. No, you don’t understand- I REALLY ,REALLY,REALLY HATE THEM! It takes me all my self control and patience to smile and tolerate them socially and if you suddenly one day find me keeping a cool distance from you its probably because you whined once too many times.
So when, my son, my own flesh and blood does that, it grates on my nerves at a different level altogether.Since yesterday he has been nothing but a holy pain . He has been whining through every meal, whining at bed time and whiningat everything in general. His general state of being has been to hold on to my legs and screech, “Mamaaaaa,mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,mamaaaaaaaaaaa” . After 24 hours of this it is making me want to do violent and harmful things to myself.
The Munchkin is lucky that he is growing up in the United States of America, where physically hitting one’s child is a crime.Not like good old swadesh where there is nothing one tight slap cannot fix. Whenever the Munchkin is totally out of line and the Munchkin’s Dad and I feel like we are about to lose control , we usually issue a time out, wherein we put the Munchkin in his crib and get out of that place till we calm down ourselves. That makes me want to ask you guys, do you spank your kids? How often? Does it work? What about all of you’ll who stay in America? If not, what else works for you guys?
My parents used to beleive in “spare-the-rod-and-spoil- the-child” and me and my sister both got our share of spankings and we turned out ok. We don’t resent our parenst for it now, because we kind of deserved those spankings then.
What about our children? How much sense does it make trying to reason out with a 14 month old? He doesn’t understand what you are saying so how the hell do you get through?
I think I have today reached the end of my tether. To hell with glorious motherhood and all that crap. I need my space and a tequila shot. Am sorely tempted to take the next flight to NYC and fuck off from all this and stay with my single friends for the next 3 days. I now understand why some Mom’s immediately return to work after birth. It is to maintain their sanity! Especially if the other option seems to be being held hostage by this little human being who doesn’t give a rats arse about your feelings or needs. I could probably deal with that too except for the incessant whining and crying. It’s like at some fundamental level I am incapable of handling it.
The Munchkin so far has been an OK child. Demanding, but once you give him what he needs he usually shuts up. Right now nothing seems to be appeasing him. Ive checked for everything and the only thing I guess will make him happy is a new Mommy, because obviously I cant seem to make him happy. Plus, I am just tired- plain and simple. Mothering is a hard job but soehow it is all worth it if you keep getting reassurances that you are meeting the child’s needs. When a child inspit of all this just decides to be unhappy then it all seems a lost cause.
I am tired of scheduling my daily crap or lunch or bath with the Munchkin’s sleep time. I want to be able to study with full concentration and not with a whiny kid who is grabbing at my books and pens all the time. I want to be able to eat one s-i-n-g-l-e meal in peace . I want to be able to sit quietly without having the Munchkin crawl all over me and jump on me. I want to actually have time to brush my hair more than once a day.Basically I want my life back. Right now I am fantasizng about how wonderful it would be to not, if possible, deal with the Munchkin for the next 24 hours. And the thought is so wonderful that I am consumed by it!
There is a limit to how patient I can be. Just because I have a child does not mean that I should get reduced to just a care giver. I’m sorry, I am really upset and resentful today. I’ve probably shocked a lot of you with this disclosure. I guess this is the first time I am seeing the ugly face of motherhood and am not taking it very well I guess.
Only good thing is after writing this down I am feeling a lot better. This is definitely cheaper than therapy!Let this post serve as a reminder to me that this whole mommy thing isnt just sugar and spice. Plus, I’ll think a whole lot harder next time before I even attempt having another child!
Hi there,
I have a 28 Months girl and we all go thru these phases. Dont worry , both of you will be fine. I remember one evening when my hubby was out of town my daughter cried 4 hrs straight for no reason. Obviously she was just upset about something and it was tough for me to find out what was going inside her head. I was so frustrated that I started crying along with her and that kind of calmed her down. And she was ok after that.
So we all go through this…and I live in the US…and I have not spanked her yet…I just yell at her and she kind of throws whatever she has is verry upset and then cries over it. She is ok after that.
I know lot of my friends here who spank their kids though and I dont see anything majorly wrong with it. As you said we all grew up getting our dose and we turned out fine.
Try to take a break this long weekend and get some time for yourself. You will start missing the whining then:))
Take care and you write well. My first comment here though I read you regularly
-B
I know how you feel…had been in your place plenty of times before and guess what i had help around me and still such situations crop up….will email you
Thanks Lavs, your email made me feel like I’m not alone too. I guess some kids are more strong willed than others. My son sometimes completely drives me up the wall! You’d have to experience it to see for yourself how immensely frustrating it can be. I always marvel at other people who say their kids understand when they say No. It works some of the times with me but doesn’t at most others(and the times it doesn’t is usually for all the dangerous things)
At that time suppressing the urge to thrash him frustrates me to no end. I am so desperate to make him see how this is harmful for him and sometimes the best recourse seems a good spanking. Since that is not the option most of the times, I am doubly frustrated- at not being able to express my disapproval vociferously enough and at not being able to send him a strong enough message that says I mean business.
Its like I’m trying to discipline a stubborn child with both my hands tied and will later also be held accountable for bad accidents if any!
I’m damned either way.Aaargh!
Hey !
I was just feeling the same way today and was full of smiles as I read through this post…Hugs to you..hope our kids stop whining soon
Argggh.. doesnt that suck. When your nice baby turns into a horrible toddler.
The things that work for me when this happens
1. Telling NK I am going to sit in the bathtub for aloooong time
2. Yesterday Nk took the 3 older ones out to the library and the house was peaceful
3. Doing aimless window shopping
4.Manicures/pedicures
5. Late night movie watching at Home
Basically you need to schedule time alone for yourself. Your dh needs to understand that you need time alone or with another friend. I am very very good abt doing this. I try to get away from the kids at least 2 a week(because its summer and I have them everyday)
Dont feel guilty that you are doing something for youself.
sort of same haal here too..Punch keeps me really busy and that tires me out…
[Bhavani]: Thanks for sharing that Bhavani. I really needed to know that everyone goes through this sometimes. As for spanking, I would ideally want it to be the last resort. But then again, the Munchkin’s whining and total disregard for what I’m saying is making me rethink my strategy.
[Lavanya]: Hugs back to you too! May god grant us enough sanity to get through these spells!
[Sraikh]: Do you have to make so much sense?
Thanks for all the suggestions. Am taking up all of them one by one.
[Timepass]: Sigh, you too?
Great to know I’m not the only one:) It’s ok to feel this way sometimes and express it to ppl who understand. Moms who never yell, get upset or (want to) spank are not real!
Cub and Bee get occasional spankings when they do something dangerous…gas burner, road-running, iron fascination.
And sadly occasionally when I’m at the end of my tether too. I always apologise to them after these kinda upsets because it’s not fair to them that I didn’t have enough patience at that point. I want my kids to know I’m human and that I make mistakes, and am always trying to be a better mom, coz they shoudln’t grow up thinking Mom is perfect.
One book has helped me cut down on the number of spankings and yellings. 1-2-3 Magic (2-12 year olds) by Thomas Phelan. http://www.parentmagic.com Parenting Cub gas become a lott happier, we can enjoy his exuberance without spending all our time getting exhausted yelling.
And pls get a break regularly. I go dashing out every weekend when Cub is in one of his infuriating phases, come back full of love and recharged. Go do something for yourself. Fill your cup;)
Munchkin…behave now….NOW…NOW!
A,
I came back to tell you spanking at this age wouldnt do anything. In fact, he would cried louder and you would feel more guilty and start getting upset as well.
If the whining gets too much, can you sit down and the floor and put your fingers in your ears and show him you are not listening.
Another thing is start laughing as loud as possible when the child is crying and he is shocked and stops. You can do it in reverse and start crying loudly as well. They get shocked and stopped.
Another thing is to put the child in his crib and close the door for a bit. Take time to calm yourself down. Wash your face, take 2-3 deep breaths and then come back to face the fruit of your loin.
Try all this and see whats works. I have done all this and more with my monsters.
Also when all else fails, a glass of mojito, or a fruity cocktail does wonders…
hey they are great suggestions
loved them all
going to try them with my brat
i can relate…
great blog…
oh avanti tell me about it…
u know a similar post is in my drafts, i am not kidding…. its gets on my nerves and specially so in the past 2 months when I have been at home full time, till I was working I used to get my time off and was much calmer with him but what keeps me sane is that I make it a point that I get me time… let those who think I am a bad mother s be it… If I am not sane I surely cant take care of it..
The fact that I am here and have a help at home surely helps, me and hubby make sure we d our monthly outings (without him ofcourse) and I make sure I do my weekly… whether its leaving Ojas with the maid or with hubby… but its so needed… keeps me sane and makes me deal with him better
And spanking, I am of the school of the thought exactly opposite to “spare the rod, spoil the child” to me beating up a child is a sin… dont know my reasons for this strong belief… dont know when I will cross not the line I have made for myself but till now I have not spanked him… infact I rarely shout at him… because if I do he just yells back and nothing comes out of it anyways apart from a crankier him and more irritable me…
what works is usually the time out, I ignore his shouts… pretend to read a book or browse the net while he is screaming and after some time either he calms down or I do (more often than not its me)
Everyone’s been telling me its just a phase and I am so hoping it passes soon…
(((hugs))) dont fret over it and do remember to take your breaks… they are most important elements of our sanity… sraikh’s suggestions for breaks are good.. I do them too mostly
PS: oops sorry for the mini post
I am going through the exact same phase right now. I put my baby to sleep, and he wakes up in 5 minutes and cries like mad wondering why he is awake. I again put him to sleep (takes 45 minutes) and he is up in no time screaming at the top of his voice. This went on for the whole day yesterday. I lost my patience once and left him crying in his crib and I feel so guilty about it today. I felt so bad that I lost my patience with a 7 months old baby, wonder what I am going to do when he is a toddler. Sigh.
Does someone have a patience potion?
Hey Avanti,
I was just wondering, is Munchkin teething? Ash has not been eating at all for the past few days as she is getting her molars right now. As far as I remember Munch and Ash got their first few teeth around the same time. Sprouting of molars can be very painful for them.
All moms need some “Me” time, I know I do. I was wondering if you can look around for a baby sitter. You know, I used to baby sit for my colleague/friend in the US, they liked to go out on Saturday nights. So I used to watch their twin boys.
There are also many college students who like to baby sit. This way you can go out with hubby and have some ‘couple’ time together 
just want to let you know you’re not alone. i’ve felt this way so many times now i’ve lost count. only lately my attitude has been to embrace this as a way of life, so things are beginning to look better.
i’ve noticed, Plane whines so much lesser on the days i take him out and tire him. doesnt matter if it is the library, park, just for a walk, anywhere but home.
that plus, some self pampering for yourselves goes a long long way. hand him over to the husband for at least half hour a day and do something thats not a chore.
hang in there, this part does get easier when they’re a bit older.
-kodi’s mom (aka m2KnP)
Hola!
I so understand your feelings. My take? I do whack Button once in a while when he gets on my nerves too much. I guess it is tougher in the phoren to look after a child when you have to do absolutely everything.
Why don’t you consider getting a baby-sitter or a child-minder for an hour each friday and getting out with your husband for some couple time? And weekends he gets to do all the routine chores when you can focus on chopping veggies and cooking for the whole week (trust me, food really stays for the week!)
What works for me is also leaving Button in the room with a stern “mamma is upset with you now. I don’t think you should whine so much”. He follows me and calms down himself.
Take care sweetheart. Remember “this too shalst pass”
i love the honesty of your expression… good and bad! a lot like Sue!
i go through this verrrry often considering i have patience the size of an atom or something! past few months have been little better in terms of my patinece and it reflects in Cubby’s improved behaviour too!
but then i can be nice for only as much time. Add to that M had this horrid habit of telling me to calm down in FRONT of Cubby which annoyed me even more!
so its all in days work! and hope that “me” time is helping ya!
hugs!
when i am rowing the same boat you describe i use one of the following ( depending on my energy level and hormonal levels:
- a whack
- take her out for a walk
- start whining with her
-yell at the husband
- a tequila shot
sometimes its all of the above within a span of one hour.
hang in there- he will be fine however you deal with the bad days! and you, the following day will be good, so you will be fine too, eventually.
Loved everyon’es responses. You probably know that you are not a bad mom and you are certainly not alone. All of us have gone through it. And all kids go through phases when everything annoys them as well. Nothing really works per se, you have to grin and bear it. And try not to kill him in the process
Try tiring him out, and do definitely take a break.
And oh yeah try TV.
Dont know much about handling babies…usually I hand babies to their mother when they are at their cranky best but sending hugs and good wishes your way! My friends usually take them out to the parks and tire them out or a hot bath helps. My parents remedy was to give me warm rice and milk like a porridge…they said it used to calm me and I used to go to sleep. You could try it once if Munchkin likes rice. All the best!
[Paisa]: I am going to try out that book and I did get that break
[Preeti]: Listen to Preeti Aunty, Munchkin!
[Sraikh]: You are right. Right now spanking isnt going to help much except make me feel worse. I guess timeouts are the best recourse for the time being.
[Monika]: I do try to ignore it but lets just say I’m not too good at it
But hey, I am improving in that department.
[Shraddha]: Thanks Shraddha
[Anamika]: Where do I sign up for that potion?
Does it come in other colors 
[Priyanka]: Yes , I did check for the teething and a ton of other things. Now I think he was just in a bad mood. One of our friends here has been offering to babysit the Munchkin for some time now and we are thinking of taking it up especially since this friends Mom is also here these days. And you used to babysit too? I’m sure you must have been excellent at it
[m2KnP]: I guess you are right when you say I have to embrace the fact that he will be unreasonable at times and the only pravtical option is to learn to destress myself about it. Even I am coming around to this conclusion now. Earlier I used to take it as something I was doing wrong, now I know that sometime he is just annoyed with everything.
[Meera]: Button does that too? No way, he is too cute to be badly behaved . I’m gonna need some proof
[Abha]: So you can understand my impatience too. Like Anamika says” I’ll have a shot of patience potion please! And make that a double!”
[Surabhi]: Lol.. I think I already do all of them !
[Poppy]: Thanks Poppy, actually what you said about everything probably annoying him too made a lot of sense to me. Because I keep thinking that he is upset because of something I am doing wrong and so I get frustrated when nothing I do appeases him. I never considered the fact that he probably is in a bad mood too.
[Home cooked]: Thanks for the porridge idea. How about you put up the recipe too
[...] I don’t know how much I can prevent future such breakdowns but at least I can try to deal with them better. And I am going to try each and every one of your suggestions from here [...]
my two bits – in theory i do believe hitting a child is down right wrong. but in practice – my six year old did get an occassional whack on the butt when he needed it – and it was far less stressful than any other kind of punishment we could have meted out – both for him and us.
now he’s at an age where he can reason and hitting is out of the question totally – but when he was two and three and reasoning was no option, an occassional ‘dhapata’ as we say in marathi was the call of the hour.