The sheer awesomeness that is me. Or something like that.

Tagged by Asaan, this tag has been languishing for sometime in my drafts folder. It’s just that I feel a little awkward writing about my umm..aah..awesomeness. I didnt know whether to write about skills or qualities and so am just gonna write the first seven things that come to my mind.

1. I am a never-say-die person- So I’ll have my “poor me” phase and my “why me ” phase but at the same time I will be working hard and trying everything in my power to go after my goal. I am one helluva determined lady! This song or this one could be the anthem of my life.

2. I actually don’t know what it is to feel jealous- If I admire someones achievements or success, it makes me want to emulate them. I am really happy for my friends. Funnily enough, I discovered this fact when a random girl I went to college with one day had a breakdown over another classmates accomplishments. While she vented out her feelings I realized with shock that that’s what envy and jealousy is! Now when I look back I see instances where my Mom cultivated this positive and learning  attitude in me and my sister. This was a great gift because all around I see people unhappy not so much because they lack something but because they are busy coveting other people’s lives.I find that really sad.

3. I think I manage crisis very well-  Whether personal or professional, I think I can emotionally separate myself from the issue so as to be of better help and tide over the issue quickly. Once I’m through it, I allow myself to feel and then go through all the phases of emotionally dealing with it. Earlier I thought of this as just another trait of mine but after marrying into a highly emotional family and realizing how much they all bank on me in sensitive times, I started valuing it a little more.

4. I am a constant learner- When I was a kid , my father told me that the essence of life lies in constantly evolving and learning. Since then,  I try to increase my know ledge or skills everyday whether by a new book read, a new recipe tried or a new point of view seen. Like right now I am learning tennis, looking to make the best loaf of bread and trying to ace number theory.

5. I am not afraid of failure- I really am not. I may be saddened by it but never ever has that fear deterred me from at least trying. I guess I am more afraid of being 80 and realizing that I didn’t do half of the things I wanted to because I thought I wouldn’t succeed at them. This is one thing I really want to teach my son.

6. I have an open mind- I always try to see things from another persons point of view without derision or being condescending. I may not agree but I will make an honest attempt to understand the other person’s thought processes and where they are coming from. This makes it difficult to hate some people then!

7. I think I’m a decent cook – Nowhere near awesomeness but would definitely like to get there some time Plus, I really can’t think of anything else right now.

I tag:-

Pipette’s Mom

Anu

Timepass

Candy

Paisa

Anaamica

A quick weightloss update

It has been six weeks since I joined the gym . Out of which I didn’t attend for about a week as I sprained my calf and the Munchkin was unwell in between. So the following results stand true for say about 5 weeks in all:-

1. Started gym at about 69.8-70 kgs.

2. As of today I weigh, 67.7 bringing the kgs lost to 2.1 kgs.

3. Knocked off 6 inches from my waist and 5 inches off my hips. (Yay! This meant that I zipped up an old pair of jeans )

4. Lost a bra band size and am back to 34 ” now.

5. Lost an inch or two from everywhere else too-shoulders,calves,thighs,biceps etc.

6. The fat percentage in my body went down by 4.6 %(My trainer was especially happy about this)

My thoughts

I am not too thrilled with the meagre number of pounds  lost,but have been assured and reassured by my trainer that this is so because I have put on a fair amount of muscle and muscle weighs more than fat.  She has told me to not think in terms of kgs but in terms of inches so am slowly trying to change my mindset about this. We both agreed that a good and practical goal for me would be to aim for a US dress size of 6 Petite (Bust: 34-35 inches,Waist: 26.5-27.5 inches, Hips: 36.5-37.5 inches) I currently am a US size 10 Petite.

Lets see how the next month goes.

Back after a breather

Thanks for all those who wrote in with comments and mails about my last post. I really needed to know that I’m not alone

I guess that day everything piled up.As the day wore on and I saw how the Munchkin refused to let go of me, I started wondering whether by devoting the last year completely to the Munchkin I had called this separation anxiety upon myself. I wondered whether I had done the right thing indeed for both him and me.

To begin with I am all for working Moms. I just feel that the first 6 months are crucial (mostly because you are probably feeding the child then) and after that if you can establish a support network which you are comfortable with ,you must go for it. I had initially planned on going back to work six months after the delivery. (My company very helpfully also offered me an option of extending that leave to another six months too). But then we had the sudden move here. I thought of picking up a job here soon after the Munchkin’s first birthday and almost started all the paperwork regarding work visas when I underwent a change of mind. I met a few people who had recently completed their higher education which made me want to give another degree a shot and hence I am currently  preparing for some competitive exams.

All this has basically increased my stay-at-home-mom status by another six months or so and I keep wondering whether I will be able to make the Munchkin independent of me? Whether its a job or college, I will soon have to get him used to the idea of staying without me.As he is growing and becoming more cognizant of his surroundings and wants, it will be more and more difficult to wean him away from me. I mean an infant Munchkin would definitely have adjusted faster than him as a toddler right? If you are wondering why I care, its because now I know him to be a very stubborn and head strong child who seems to be falling in the “break but wont bend” category. He will definitely put up a mother of a fight.

All these questions and feelings came to a head that day and everything seemed doomed.Well after I wrote that post, I happened to speak with the Munchkins Dad on the phone about some chores and he could sense my frustration. So imagine my surprise when he landed up at the door step after lunch itself.!We had a long weekend here , it being the 4th July weekend and all. For us it started on Thursday afternoon after the Husband came home early. Usually, the Munchkin’s Dad takes the Munchkin off my hands after he comes home from work giving me a breather. He also does the whole bath-bed- story routine everyday too which gives me two hours off everyday after dinner which I totally love. But the days, the Munchkin decides that he wants only Mom, are the days when he can get amazingly clingy and the Munchkin’s Dad is helpless because the Munchkin refuses to go to Dad and I start losing my temper progressively.

But since I was so frustrated the Munchkin’s Dad did evrything for the Munchkin all day for the entre long weekend.And by that I mean everything- feeding, putting to bed, general entertaining,diapers- day or night. I only bothered myself with the cooking and the hugging and the kissing.I got to completely wind down.The man didn’t just stop there, he also cleaned and washed the entire house. (Have I mentioned how much I love this man:) )

The Munchkin suddenly improved his act and started behaving like his usually sunny self making me wonder whether I had imagined all that behavior. Maybe he secretly does that to just push me over the edge!

Long story short,  it was a relaxed happy weekend with everyone in the family at peace with each other   . We were invited for a barbecue at a friend’s house on the Fourth which had some yummy food. I treated myself to some major retail therapy and got some decent amount of studying down. It was funny how 3 days of a break recharged me so much,as on Sunday evening, the Munchkin caught a cold and was restless the entire night but I suddenly found myself being ridiculously patient (!)

I don’t know how much I can prevent future such breakdowns but at least I can try to deal with them better. And I am going to try each and every one of your suggestions from here .

And although my son is an absolute brat who drives me completely up the wall at times, nothing can take away from the fact that he is the absolute joy and delight of my life

This is just before he is about to plant a big sloppy kiss on my face

Bas, bahut ho gaya!

Today I am having a “Bad Mom Day” in every sense of the word. The Munchkin has been at his annoying and irritating best. I mean I am secretly awed by his sheer capacity to annoy me so much.

Since yesterday morning he has been whining about everything. Let me tell you something, I HATE whiners. No, you don’t understand- I REALLY ,REALLY,REALLY HATE THEM! It takes me all my self control and patience to smile and tolerate them socially and if you suddenly one day find me keeping a cool distance from you  its probably because you whined once too many times.

So when, my son, my own flesh and blood does that, it grates on my nerves at a different level altogether.Since yesterday he has been nothing but a holy pain . He has been whining through every meal, whining at bed time  and whiningat everything in general. His general state of being has been to hold on to my legs and screech, “Mamaaaaa,mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,mamaaaaaaaaaaa” . After 24 hours of this it is making me want to do violent and harmful things to myself.

The Munchkin is lucky that he is growing up in the United States of America, where  physically hitting one’s child is a crime.Not like good old swadesh where there is nothing one tight slap cannot fix. Whenever the Munchkin is totally out of line and the Munchkin’s Dad and I  feel like we are about to lose control , we usually issue a time out, wherein we put the Munchkin in his crib and get out of that place till we calm down ourselves. That makes me want to ask you guys, do you spank your kids? How often? Does it work? What about all of you’ll who stay in America? If not, what else works for you guys?

My parents used to beleive in “spare-the-rod-and-spoil- the-child” and me and my sister both got our share of spankings and we turned out ok. We don’t resent our parenst for it now, because we kind of deserved those spankings then.

What about our children? How much sense does it make trying to reason out with a 14 month old? He doesn’t understand what you are saying so how the hell do you get through?

I think I have today reached the end of my tether. To hell with glorious motherhood and all that crap. I need my space and a tequila shot. Am sorely tempted to take the next flight to NYC and fuck off from all this and stay with my single friends for the next 3 days. I now understand why some Mom’s immediately return to work after birth. It is to maintain their sanity! Especially if the other option seems to be being held hostage by this little human being who doesn’t give a rats arse about your feelings or needs. I could probably deal with that too except for the incessant whining and crying. It’s like at some fundamental level I am incapable of handling it.

The Munchkin so far has been an OK child. Demanding, but once you give him what he needs he usually shuts up. Right now nothing seems to be appeasing him. Ive checked for everything and the only thing I guess will make him happy is a new Mommy, because obviously I cant seem to make him happy. Plus, I am just tired- plain and simple. Mothering is a hard job but soehow it is all worth it if you keep getting reassurances that you are meeting the child’s needs. When a child inspit of all this just decides to be unhappy then  it all seems a lost cause.

I am tired of scheduling my daily crap or lunch or bath with the Munchkin’s sleep time.  I want to be able to study with full concentration and not with a whiny kid who is grabbing at my books and pens all the time. I want to be able to eat one s-i-n-g-l-e meal in peace . I want to be able to sit quietly without having the Munchkin crawl all over me and jump on me. I want to actually have time to brush my hair more than once a day.Basically I want my life back. Right now I am fantasizng about how wonderful it would be to not, if possible, deal with the Munchkin for the next 24 hours. And the thought is so wonderful that I am consumed by it!

There is a limit to how patient I can be. Just because I have a child does not mean that I should get reduced to just a care giver. I’m sorry, I am really upset and resentful today. I’ve probably shocked a lot of you with this disclosure. I guess this is the first time I am seeing the ugly face of motherhood and am not taking it very well I guess.

Only good thing is after writing this down I am feeling a lot better. This is definitely cheaper than therapy!Let this post serve as a reminder to me that this whole mommy thing isnt just sugar and spice. Plus, I’ll think a whole lot harder next time before I even attempt having another child!

30 questions

I remember seeing this tag on someone’s blog and thinking of taking it up and then completely forgetting about it. I saw it again on another blog and again forgot all about it(I blame it on Momnesia) Today while surfing I saw it yet again and this time I  immediately sat down to type it out.  Here goes-

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

The woman who cut my hair into layers did a good job.

2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
20 dollars and some Indian rupees

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
More

4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

My personal trainer from the Gym

5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
Don’t care too much about it these days- probably one of the in built  ones. The tune of  the Mission Impossible theme was my fav one for a long time though.

6. What are you wearing right now?
I’m a stay at home Mom- whaddya think? Pajamas and a T.

7. Do you label yourself?

Yes, I tend to.

8. Name the brand of the shoes you currently own?

Sketchers-  especially these ones.They are so comfy I could wear them to bed. Perfect for running after the Munchkin in. Would totally recommend it to all Mommies.

9.Bright or Dark Room?
Mostly bright.

10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Monika – A rock star Mum

11. What does your watch look like?
A Swatch my husband gifted to appease me when I was nine months preggers and antsy and irritable.

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Hmm..err…things

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?

From my sister, notifying me of her new changed  number.

14. What’s a word that you say a lot?
“Holy crap!” OK. That’s two words.

15. Who told you he/she loved you last?(please exclude spouse , family, children)

This is a funny story. It was our final year in engineering college and as a part of the curriculum we were supposed to do a project with a real world IT company on real world problems. A  day before we technically finished it  our Project Guide from the company called up and professed his love for me. I was completely shocked because I didn’t see it coming at all( I mean we girls do get a sense when someone is sweet on us right?) I was seeing my husband at that time and told him so. He said that he had expected something like that but  still wanted to let me know his feelings and doesn’t expect anything in return. I was free to not speak with him again if I felt uncomfortable doing so. We still had to interact for a few days after that and I was amazed at how he maintained such an awesome composure. Although we girls did make a lot of fun of this incident (with mirth only college going girls are capable of) I still admire how unselfconsciously he told me what he felt and how well he conducted himself after that. Admirable for a guy who must have not been more than one or two years older than us. Wow, digression or what.

16. Last furry thing you touched?
Someone’s pet dog outside a supermarket.

17. Favourite age you have been so far?
I think right now- 27. I like myself as a person the best right now and am most comfortable with my choices as of today.

18. What was the last thing you said to someone?
Munchkin ata zhop! ( Munchkin, now sleep!)

19.The last song you listened to?
Halo- Beyonce Knowles

20. Where did you live in 1987?
Navy Nagar, Bombay.

21. Are you jealous of anyone?
Jealousy is too strong a word; but I do admire people for some of the qualities they have and try to emulate those as best as I can.

22. Is anyone jealous of you?
Yes. It shows in their mean ways at times.

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
My watch, a ring I bought with my own money and another ring which I wear for astrological reasons.

24. What’s your favourite town/city?

Bangalore/ Delhi/Singapore/Boston. If I had to move to any one of these cities tomorrow, would do so in a heart beat.

25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

Jesus, I can’t remember!

26. Can you change the oil in a car?
Yes.

27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
Wow , that was like w-a-y back in school: No idea.

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My upper shoulders.(Thanks to the weighted workout I did on Saturday)

29.What is your current desktop picture?

The “Active Desktop Recovery Error screen”(!)

30. Have you been burnt by love?
Thankfully not.

An evening at a baseball game

The Munchkin went for his first baseball game ever- the Atlanta Braves against the Colorado Rockies. Baby A and her parents also accompanied us. It was a fun evening where the Munchkin got to run around,yell lustily and eat a hotdog. He was understandably excited on seeing the crowd and the huge power screens relaying the match on either side.

This is me at the car park giving him last minute instructions on good behaviour. As it turned out, he didnt give a damn about the lecture.

As you can see from the above pics he was running around amuck thrilled with all the open space .

Helpully checking out the pitch above.

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Watching the game from the stands.

If you notice closely,  Baby A is watching the game peacefully while the Munchkin is trying everything in his power to fling himself across thr railing. I’m telling ya , there is a genetic difference between boys and girls. Never has the difference been more apparent to me. Girls are just so damn…you know- good!

Especially this little girl who is such an sweet and caring child. She is always trying to kiss or hug the Munchkin who seems a little uncomfortable with recieving affection from another little person. “He thinks she is too forward a girl”, jokes Baby A’s Mom and we laugh.

Abhi yeh haal hai, I’m sure once puberty hits, the tables will turn drastically!

P.S: The Braves lost

P.P.S: Mommies of little boys, how the hell do you manage to keep your li’l tykes shirts tucked into their shorts??! With my brat, it’s a lost cause. He ends up looking like a hooligan with his shirt always hanging out <rolls eyes>

My son starts talking and thank god for Sesame Street!

I have been a little concerned about the fact that the Munchkin has not shown too much interest in talking or vocalizing. No matter how much I try to make him speak or repeat words after me, he just doesn’t comply. He makes the connection between the name and the object but for some reason feels no need to say it. For example when I hold his bottle and say “dudu” he won’t say it himself but now understands that that’s is the word for his milk and often when I ask to fetch me the “dudu” he promptly searches for his bottle and hands it over to me.

He does the same for his stuffed tiger/monkey/ball/remote control( I consciously trained him for that ;hopefully that doesn’t classify as child labor) /cream/comb/book/shoes and what-have-you.  When you say the words, he also points out those particular objects in his colorful books. But never and by that I mean e-v-e-r, has he tried to copy the words. I was genuinely puzzled  and getting increasingly worried. Especially since I had heard some recent statistics related to autism(apparently caused by the whopping number of vaccinations given to babies in the U.S) and the fact that mostly boys are affected by it. All this had begun to scare me a little.

“Mama” is the only word which he says with full and proper intention. So today afternoon after lunch as I usually do , I started pointing to random objects and enunciated their names encouraging him to repeat those after me. He smiled and clapped along, but words? Nada.Till we came to his favorite Sesame street toy-Elmo.

“Emmo” he repeated. I looked at him dumbstruck wondering whether I had imagined it. So I said it again and he laughed and repeated after me. I made him say it almost 10-15 times laughing loudly alongside. I was super excited. I moved onto his stuffed tiger and “Tie” he called out. My heart was bursting with joy. And while I was just barely getting over this my cell phone rang and he picked it up, put it to his ear and said “He-o”. He made my day today!

You probably think I am over-reacting but compared to the past months of absolute silence this kid is literally chattering away nineteen to the dozen today. Major milestone! Now I understand why something seemingly silly and obvious can send a parent into raptures. This was actually a relief for me because I had started thinking of all sorts of horrible scenarios.

I’m not really surprised that he chose to say Elmo first. He is obsessed with this creature and I was going to do a post on his obsession today anyway. I mean come to think of it,its just a puppet (ugly and hideous if you ask me)but my son completely adores him. For the entire length of time , Elmo is on screen the kid is transfixed doesn’t budge an inch from his place. The Sesame street show runs for about  an hour every morning and that is probably the quietest time in the house with the Munchkin wide awake.The Munchkin’s Dad chooses that moment to quickly sneak out to work to avoid any tantrums.

When we are out shopping and enter the toys aisle, the Munchkin picks out everything that has an Elmo pic on it ,no matter how small. So by the time we get out of the kids section we have an assortment of crayons,juices,snacks,toys,puzzles all with Elmo on them. If he is having a meltdown the best way to distract him is to ask him “Where’s Elmo?”.;he grudgingly stops his tantrum and trots off in search of his beloved toy.

I got an Elmo hand puppet book for him too. But now that has become a royal pain as he brings the book to me at least 10 times a day and demands that I put up a little show. He also loves “Elmo’s song“and starts bobbing up and down  , the joy apparent on his face, every time he hears it. Needless to say, I know it by heart and exploit it fully

The best part is he eats anything that comes out of an ‘Elmo’ box. So this is the favorite brand of choice for both Mama and baby. The Munchkin loves it for obvious reasons and Mom loves it because it is organic and not made of refined foods.

As for me I ain’t complaining, I’m milking this stage for all it’s worth

T-I-R-E-D.

That’s what I am these days. All the time. Why? Because of my gymming .Everything hurts.Muscles,bones and probably the fat too.

At any given point in time some part of my body is awfully sore. If its my calves one day, its my abs the other. If its not the biceps then definitely my hamstrings that are smarting. I am so done for after coming back from the gym that even breathing seems an effort.

Bah,I feel like I’m paying these people a bomb just to kill me. Sado-masochism of the worst kind.

Hence, extremely low on enthusiasm since yesterday. What is my obsession with weight loss anyway? I lost 14 kgs in 5 months, shouldn’t that be enough? Why this desperation to lose another 10? Do I have self image issues? Am I being superficial? So what if I never budge a gram from my present 68 kgs, who’s going to die?

What is my motivation anyway? Just to go into a store and ask for a particular size? How is that going to change my life catastrophically? I discovered that people who loved me at 58 kgs loved me at 82 too, so who exactly am I trying to please.

These are just some of the arguments that have been springing in my mind, the past 2-3 days. Priyanka’s post has come at an opportune moment.(See, this is why blogging buddies are invaluable )

I realize that I can’t stop now and should persevere for at least for another 5 kgs loss(as that’s when I enter my healthy BMI ratio) and truth be told I do love sweating it out and find it a major stress buster. Plus I have made a commitment for the next six months and I’ll be damned if I don’t honour it.

Sorry for the bitch fest, my gluteus maximus is ‘hurt’imus-ing right now as I type.God give me strength!

A simple picnic

Back after a short hiatus. The last week was quite stressful in more ways than one starting with the Munchkin falling ill. What looked like a routine fever, persisted for more than 2 -3 days and was soon accompanied by a fever rash . He also took this opportune moment to sprout a molar which lead to some diarrhea which in turn lead to an ugly diaper rash(!) All this understandably made him cranky and led to some sleepless nights for all the three of us.

We also had a health scare regarding my father in law. It was so bad that we were almost supposed to leave for India this Saturday. Thankfully, it turned out to be something benign and treatable. Between the Munchkin’s illness and late night calls back home, we both hardly got any sleep at all.

Mercifully,nothing spiraled out of control. The Munchkin is back to normal and the much awaited and anticipated chaos has returned to our lives . To clear our minds of all this we went for a picnic on Sunday to the Olympic Centennial park here in Atlanta. It was a glorious ,sunny day just perfect for a cozy family outing.

We parked our selves under a nice shady tree and had a packed lunch of egg sandwiches and cold pasta salad. The Munchkin got understandably excited with all the free space and ran around in circles like a dog. I swear if we had a frisbee ,he would have played fetch with us!

It was one of those days when you feel everything’s well with the world and the grass seems greener and the sky bluer. I think I went for a picnic after aeons.The last time I went was probably when I was a kid. We lay down on our backs and counted clouds and enjoyed the sporadic cool breeze.

Thereafter we went to the nearby children’s playground where the Munchkin took a special liking to the little ‘crawling tunnel’ and a set of colorful drums. The Munchkin’s Dad was thrilled to bits by the latter. He loves playing drums and I’m sure secretly imagines himself to be a totally hip drummer for some rockstar band. His ill concelaed excitement at the Munchkin’s refusal to move away from the drums was extremelyy amusing to me

Some pictures:-

He looked so tiny compared to all those huge buildings!

Taking a break from all the running around.

The much loved..

...tunnel.

He didn't particularly care for the beginner's slide...

..preferring the climb up instead.

The drums!

It was one of those inconsequential ,happy days ; a good day to be alive

A little sick boy.

So the inevitable has happened. The Munchkin has caught a bug from the gym’s day care. I had anticipated this and yesterday he finally did. Last night he started running a fever , and even after giving him Tylenol it persisted till the morning. He didn’t seem in any sort of pain or discomfort but we still took an appointment with his pediatrician .

By the time the doc saw him , his fever had come down. She checked him for all sorts of infections and deduced that it some minor form of viral that he probably picked up from some kid in the daycare and should subside in the next two days. Mommy guilt hit me as I wondered whether I had endangered his health by putting him in a day care for an hour everyday. The doctor, a tall , gentle African American lady with the whitest and widest smile I have ever seen , read my mind I think, and said that it was a good thing actually because this way his immunity builds up. I asked her if I should stop him from going to the day care, and she started smiling even before I finished my sentence, probably anticipating my response(having heard it a million times before I’m sure) and said that I didn’t have to do that. He is going to come in contact with kids at the playground ,at school etc and the only way I can stop him from getting ill is to put him in a bubble. Which she sincerely advised me against. No meds were prescribed except the usual Tylenol and it was left at that.

I hate the Munchkin falling ill, because he becomes so very quiet. If you know the Munchkin and read this blog you probably know how by the end of everyday, I am utterly exhausted. It upsets me and I feel positively lousy when he sits quietly in one of our laps wanting nothing except to be held.

I wish he would  make a mess, throw food and runaway with remotes/cellphones/power chords. I wish he would squeal and shriek like a red Indian and run all over the house with a wooden ladle in his hand beating the crap out of anything he fancies. I wish he would throw himself on the bed covers and hang onto them, making it impossible for me to make the bed. I wish he would upset the laundry bag and strew the clothes all over the place. I wish he would throw all his toys into the bath tub.I wish he would demand to eat anything I put in my mouth. I wish he would show his impatience with me for being a microsecond late in giving him his milk bottle.

I wish he would get better soon.